You Are Broken, But I Love You
The Voices of Trailblazers: Helping Neurodiverse Children Overcome Limits
Every child has a voice, a unique way of expressing themselves and navigating the world. For neurodiverse children, or as I lovingly call them, “Trailblazers,” their voices often come with nuances that require patience, understanding, and a commitment to listening. These voices, whether spoken, written, or expressed through actions, reflect their rich inner worlds and potential. Yet, they can sometimes be muffled—by external expectations, societal misconceptions, and most significantly, by self-imposed limits.
In my journey as a special educator, I’ve learned that these self-imposed limits often stem from the voices of parents’ fears, anxieties, and societal pressures. Parents want to protect their children, but in doing so, they can unconsciously pass on their worries, creating invisible barriers for their child. These fears—fear of the unexpected, fear of taking a new path, or fear of navigating unfamiliar terrain—often lead parents to question themselves: Why us? How do I manage this? What if I fail?
Parents often feel trapped by the societal “ready-made pizza box lifestyle,” where every life comes with a fixed template: predictable, comfortable, and universally acceptable. Supporting a neurodiverse child often requires going “off-roading”—leaving this template behind for a more uncharted and personalized journey. While this can feel overwhelming, the desire for their child’s well-being is what fuels every parent to rise above these initial fears. However, the expectations and unsolicited advice of others can make this journey harder. Friends, extended family, and even educators may unknowingly push parents toward mainstream paths, reinforcing the idea that their child must “fit in” rather than thrive on their own terms.
This pressure can lead to messages—both conscious and unconscious—passed onto the child: “You are broken, but I love you,” or “Why can’t you just be normal?” These voices, whether spoken aloud or implied, can deeply affect a child’s self-perception and limit their growth.
Why These Voices Aren’t Permanent
The good news is that children’s inner voices are not set in stone. They are malleable, waiting to be reshaped by positive interactions, self-awareness, and intentional change. As a parent or educator, your words, actions, and attitudes serve as the tools for rewriting these narratives. When you approach life with greater acceptance, reflection, and self-compassion, your child will follow suit. The beauty of this transformation lies not only in what it does for the child but also in how it reshapes your own view of yourself and your role as a guide.
Steps to Rewrite the Voices and Empower Trailblazers
Stop worrying about others’ opinions. Step into your child’s world and experience life as they do. Crack up, be silly, and have fun with them—without the fear of judgment. Living freely with your child shows them that their voice and presence matter.
Example: Dance in the rain, play dress-up, or build a fort together. Let your child see that you value the joy of shared experiences over external approval.
Think of “off-roading” as an adventure rather than a challenge. Sometimes it might feel like rash driving, but when you’re in a safe spot, explore and enjoy it. Use your own limiting perspectives to think outside the box. This approach won’t just help you break down walls but will also show your child how to embrace growth.
Example: Create unique routines or learning methods tailored to your child’s needs, like turning math practice into a baking session.
Life doesn’t come with guarantees. Jump into unpredictability and show your child how adaptable and equipped you are to handle the unknown. Imagine the confidence your child will gain seeing you face uncertainty with curiosity and strength.
Example: Go on spontaneous trips, try new activities, or tackle unexpected challenges together.
Help Trailblazers reframe negative thoughts into empowering ones. Replace “I can’t” with “I’m learning how to,” or “I’m not good enough” with “I’m trying my best.”
Example: If a child struggles with math, acknowledge their effort rather than focusing on the result. “I see how hard you’re working—that’s amazing!”
Focus on progress, not perfection. Small wins deserve recognition.
Example: Create a “Jar of Triumphs” where every achievement—big or small—is written on a slip and stored. Review it together during tough moments.
Children mirror what they see. Show them it’s okay to make mistakes and try again.
Example: When you make a mistake, say aloud, “It’s okay, I’ll get it next time,” showing them the value of persistence.
Help them explore new activities to discover their strengths and passions.
Example: Create an “Adventure Box” filled with hands-on activities that spark curiosity and creativity.
The words they hear from you matter. Use affirmations to reinforce their capabilities and value.
Example: “You are so thoughtful,” “You’re doing such a great job,” or “Your efforts make a big difference.”
Parents and Educators as Allies
As parents and educators, we hold the key to shaping how Trailblazers see themselves. By reflecting on our own fears and biases, we can ensure that we’re not unconsciously projecting our limitations onto them. Instead, we can empower children to grow into their unique potential, free from unnecessary constraints.
Ask yourself:
- Am I encouraging their strengths, or focusing too much on their challenges?
- Am I unintentionally passing on my fears or insecurities?
Through honest self-reflection, you can become a stronger, more supportive ally on their journey.
A Final Reflection
Trailblazers are not defined by their challenges. They are defined by their courage, resilience, and their ability to see the world in ways others might not. With the right support, those small whispers of doubt can transform into resounding voices of self-belief.
How about you? What voices shape your journey today? Are they lifting you up, or holding you back? Take a moment to reflect and rewrite the narratives that no longer serve you.
Here’s to embracing a life without limits or fears.
Thank you for Reading.