Understanding the Real Story Behind ADHD, Severe Behaviour, and the ‘Clown Fish’ Brain
Understanding the Real Story Behind ADHD, Severe Behaviour, and the ‘Clown Fish’ Brain
Why Is My Child a Tornado at Home but Calm Outside?
They talk non-stop but can’t write a sentence.
They behave like angels in public but explode at home.
They understand everything you say — but forget instructions in seconds.
You’re trying your best, but feel like you’re always firefighting.
Welcome to the ‘Clown Fish’ brain.
Welcome to ADHD — unmasked.
Part 1: What You’re Seeing Isn’t Just Behaviour — It’s a System in Overload
Children with ADHD are often:
- Verbal but scattered
- Emotionally intense but misunderstood
- Smart but disorganized
- Capable but inconsistent
At home, the mask comes off.
That’s not because you’re doing something wrong.
It’s because you’re their safe place to fall apart.
Part 2: Why It Feels Like Chaos — and What’s Actually Happening
They’re not just “being difficult.”
They’re:
- Regulating through movement, mess, and mood swings
- Processing their entire day by reliving it emotionally
- Crumbling under pressure they can’t name — especially when they know they can’t read or write like their peers
And when you add academic expectations without scaffolding?
It’s a storm.
Part 3: The ‘Clown Fish’ Brain
- Speaks well, remembers details, loves stories
- But when it’s time to focus? Dori mode: “Wait, what was I doing?”
- Working memory fails. Attention resets every few seconds.
- That’s why they can talk about a topic but can’t write about it.
This is not laziness. It’s how the brain processes — or can’t process — sustained mental effort.
It’s not on purpose to make your life a misery
Part 4: What They Need From You (Instead of Control)
Here’s what to give — consistently and with calm:
- Structure, not strictness: predictable routines = emotional safety
- Discipline, not punishment: natural consequences and boundaries, not blame
- Engagement, not endless instructions: fast-paced, hands-on activities that move
- Validation, not just correction: reflect their efforts, not just their outbursts
- Short bursts of effort: 3-minute tasks, not 30-minute expectations
- Body-first regulation: movement before focus. Always.
Part 5: How to Build Focus, Sitting Tolerance, and Real Connection
1. Start With the Body — Not the Brain
Movement resets the nervous system.
Begin the day with:
- Ball play
- Balancing games
- Bouncing on a trampoline or bed
- Skipping, running, scooter rides
Let the energy move out before asking it to sit in.
2. 3-Minute Sit-Down Tasks (Fast-Paced)
Make them short. Make them varied. Make them clear.
Examples:
- Match 5 socks → done
- Write 2 words with blue chalk → done
- Solve 3 quick sums with finger blocks → done
- Cut and stick 3 images → done
Quick wins build trust and rhythm.
Not doing this creates instant retaliation or meltdown.
3. Make Them Part of the Family Team
No child thrives being “the problem.”
Instead, give purpose:
- “Can you help lay the table like dad does?”
- “You’re in charge of watering the plants this week.”
- “Can you remind mum to turn off the gas every morning?”
4. Add Sensorial Time — Every Day
Let them feel with their hands, not just their heads:
- Sand play
- Washing vegetables
- Squeezing wet cloths
- Kneading dough
- Sorting grains
- Water pouring
- Shaving cream tracing
This resets the nervous system and makes them feel present in their own skin.
5. Build Regulation Through Challenge
Kids like these need:
- Challenge, not control
- Tasks that are just hard enough to make them feel capable
- Not repetitive “busy work,” but real responsibility
“Can you stack 5 cups in a pyramid in 30 seconds?”
“Let’s see who can mop this square better!”
“Can you teach grandma how to make a Lego car?”
The goal is validation through contribution.
They are not disobedient. They are disconnected from feeling useful.
Part 6: Discipline That Doesn’t Crush Their Spirit
- Set clear rules, not just moods.
- Use visual reminders — checklists, tokens, charts
- Avoid yelling — it triggers shame, not change
- Teach what to do, not just what not to do
- Praise effort, not just outcomes
Discipline is not about “fixing” them.
It’s about showing them how to come back after they fall.
And Finally: Ask Differently. Expect Differently. Love Consistently.
Remember- “Ask — and you will not get.” policy
Because you’re asking the wrong way.
Instead of saying:
“Can you stop throwing things?”
Say:
“Here’s something you can throw — let’s see how far it goes!”
Instead of saying:
“Why are you so messy?”
Say:
“This is your zone. Let’s decorate it and keep it awesome.”
Instead of trying to “fix” them…
Include them. Empower them. Mirror back their strength.
Because that’s how your child stops identifying as the ‘problem’ — and starts living as the powerful person they were always meant to be.
If You’re Still Wondering What Will Work
I know you’ve tried everything. And I know it feels like nothing is working.
But if you believe in your own consistency and discipline and can vouch for it — and you follow through with what you’ve planned, even gently — you will start to see a shift in just 3 days.
You have a brilliant child. You gave birth to that brilliance.
Now it’s time to help them feel it for themselves.
And that will only happen through intervention — not on its own.
Author’s Note
Sameena Zaheer
Special Educator | Parent Mentor | Voice for Trailblazing Children
25+ years of walking beside children others gave up on.
Thank you for being part of this quiet revolution.
The momentum is real. And it begins with you.
