When Parenting Feels Like a Test You Didn’t Study For

A real conversation. A real parent. A real reflection.

“I saw your post on parenting and fear… but I have a different perspective.”

That’s how this conversation started.

What followed was not a debate.

Not even a disagreement.

It was a gentle, thoughtful unfolding of what most parents feel,

but rarely say out loud.

So today, I want to share this story — and the insight it sparked.

Because if you’re a parent wondering whether you’re getting it all wrong…

You are not alone.

“Aren’t Parents Pushed Into Fear?”

“Don’t you think we’re pushed into this fear?”

“We’re not trained. We don’t have help.”

“Earlier generations had a village. Grandparents now either blame us or don’t know better themselves.”

“So we’re stuck… not knowing what’s right or wrong.”

This is a very real concern.

Most of us were not taught how to parent.

We were only taught to obey.

To follow the path, not question it.

To be quiet, not curious.

To listen, not lead.

And now that we’re on the other side — as parents ourselves —

we carry that silence in our bones,

and a fear in our hearts.

We’re scared of repeating mistakes.

We’re scared of being blamed.

We’re scared that we might miss something.

Or worse — cause something.

“I Was One of Them”

“I used to parent from fear. I still do sometimes.”

“I’ve reduced it, but it’s still there.”

“When I was young, I never questioned my parents. They never apologized to us. But today, we know better — and yet, we’re scared.”

“I feel like my parents had it easier.”

That’s the paradox.

We know more than ever.

We have access to information, books, therapists, experts.

But we also have more pressure.

More judgment.

More eyes watching us — online and offline —

and fewer arms to hold us.

We are parenting in a world where every choice feels like a potential mistake.

And even when we try to do better,

we carry guilt instead of grace.

“But What If My Child Knows Better Than Me?”

“Sometimes I feel like my child knows more than I do. They want answers. And I’m not always sure I have them.”

“What if I make the wrong choice?”

“What if I’m not enough?”
Learn this :

When in doubt, don’t chase the rule,

Sit beside, be calm, and cool.

You don’t need to know it all —

Just be the net, when they might fall.

Not to fix, but hold, and see —

That’s how strong love’s meant to be.

So breathe, and try, and start anew —
Sine, Your child needs no one else but you.

Here’s what I believe:

You don’t need to have all the answers.

You just need to be willing to seek them.

You don’t need to parent from perfection.

You need to parent from presence.

What your child really needs isn’t a flawless parent.

They need one who listens.

One who learns.

One who apologizes when they’re wrong —

and doesn’t crumble from the weight of fear.

“Some Days I Just Want to Know I’m Not Ruining It”

This mother spoke for thousands:

“Mothers like me feel constantly judged. Especially working mothers. We don’t want to ruin our child’s life — so we overthink, overdo, overcorrect.”

And yes — this is where most fear stems from.

Not bad intentions.

But the pressure to get everything right.

Immediately.

Permanently.

Perfectly.

But the truth is:

**You won’t always get it right.

And that’s okay.**

What matters is not that you never make mistakes —

but that your child sees you grow, shift, reflect, and stay.

“I Realised There Is No Problem To Fix”

“It took me a long time to realise — there is no problem. Just learning. Just growth. Just a journey.”

This was the most powerful line of the entire conversation.

Because parenting is not a test.

It is not a problem to be solved.

It’s a relationship to be built — over and over again.

What Can We Learn From This?

If you’ve ever said or thought:

“I’m scared I’ll mess this up.”
“I don’t know what’s right or wrong anymore.”
“I feel alone in this.”
“I want to learn, but I don’t know where to start.”

Then here is what you need to hear:

You are not alone.

You are learning.

And that is enough.

There is no perfect script.

Only conscious, connected, courageous parenting.

And Finally

You’re doing better than you think.

You care enough to worry.

You reflect. You pause. You try.

That itself is enough to change everything.

Don’t aim for fear-free parenting.

Aim for aware parenting.

Honest parenting.

Present parenting.

Because children don’t need perfect parents.

They need real ones.

When in doubt, sing this out loud —

Not to please the judging crowd.

You don’t need to get it right —

Just show up, hold space, be the light.

Not to fix, but stay and see —

That’s how deep love’s meant to be.

So hush the noise, and breathe it through —
My child needs no one else but me, me and only me

Author’s Note

Sameena Zaheer

Parent coach. Child whisperer. Bridge builder.

25+ years of proving to parents that their instincts — with reflection — are their greatest strength.

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Parenting Feels Like a Test You Didn’t Study For