Safe Touches vs. Unsafe Touches: A Guide for Parents of Non-Expressive or Neurodiverse Children

Safe Touches vs. Unsafe Touches: A Guide for Parents of Non-Expressive or Neurodiverse Children

Empowering your child with knowledge about safe and unsafe touch is crucial. Here’s a guide to navigate this conversation, even with non-expressive, neurodiverse, or children with comprehension challenges.

Building the Foundation: Trust and Open Communication

Start Early: You can begin as early as toddlers can understand basic body parts (around 2 years old). 

Strong Bond: The most important tool? A loving, secure relationship with your child. This fosters open communication.

Routine and Consistency: Establish a routine for bath time and toileting, with a trusted adult handling these tasks (unless the child expresses a preference for someone else).

Body Autonomy: Teach your child the correct names for all body parts, including private areas. Emphasize that their body belongs to them.

Talking About Safe Touches

Simple Language: Use clear, age-appropriate terms like “safe touches” and “unsafe touches.” “Safe touches” make them feel good (hugs, high fives), while “unsafe touches” hurt or make them uncomfortable (hitting, unwanted tickles).

The “Swimsuit Rule”: Explain that the areas covered by a swimsuit are private and no one should touch them except for a doctor (during a checkup) with a parent present.

Consent is Key: Emphasize that they can always say “no” to any touch, even from someone familiar. Respect their wishes, and avoid forcing hugs or kisses.

Body Language: Be mindful of nonverbal cues. If your child seems withdrawn or uncomfortable during interactions, gently intervene.

Introducing Unsafe Touches (Later)

Once your child grasps safe touches, slowly introduce the concept of unsafe touches:

“Sometimes touches can hurt, like a bump on the playground. Those are not safe touches.”

“We never touch other people’s private parts, and no one should touch yours unless it’s a doctor during a checkup with mommy or daddy there.”

Strategies for Special, Specific Needs

Visual Aids: Use pictures, books, or dolls to illustrate safe and unsafe touches.

Play and Activities: Role-playing scenarios can help children practice saying “no” and seeking help.

  The Power of Play:

Safe Space to Experiment: Role-playing creates a pretend world where children can practice social situations without feeling embarrassed or exposed. This allows them to explore saying “no” and seeking help in a safe environment.

Building Confidence: By successfully navigating scenarios in play, children gain confidence in their ability to handle similar situations in real life.

Understanding Boundaries: Role-playing allows you to introduce different scenarios where personal boundaries might be crossed. This helps children identify unsafe situations and practice asserting their right to say “no.”

Sample Role-Playing Scenarios:

1. Saying No to Unwanted Hugs:

                              You: (Playing as a friend to the child) “Come here, give me a big hug!” 

                              Your Child: “No thanks, I prefer a high five!” (they can express in actions if they cant speak yet)        You: (React positively) “High fives are great too!”  

2. Seeking Help from a Trusted Adult:

                              You: (Playing a stranger) “Hey, want some candy? Come closer.” 

                              Your Child:  “No, thank you! I’m going to find my mom/dad.” 

Short Sessions: Break down the conversation into smaller, manageable chunks of 1 min or so.

Remember:

Focus on empowerment: Teach your child they have a voice and control over their body.

Be patient and positive: Repeat often and celebrate their understanding.

It’s an ongoing conversation: Revisit the topic as your child grows.

Additional Tips

Limit Physical Contact from Others: Instead of picking up a child who doesn’t want it, offer a high five or wave. Explain to friends and family that your child is learning about personal space.

Open Communication is Key: Encourage your child to tell you if someone touches them in a way that makes them uncomfortable.

Empowerment Over Restriction: The goal is not to create fear, but to give your child the tools to stay safe.

By following these tips, you can open a dialogue with your child, no matter their individual needs. Remember, you are their biggest advocate, and their safety is your top priority.

Simple Terms and Lines: 

Focus on Safe Touches First: 

While playing with dolls: “See how the doll feels good when we give her a hug? Hugs are safe touches because they make us feel happy.” 

During bath time: “Washing your hair is a safe touch because it keeps you clean and healthy.”
General playtime: “High fives are safe touches! They are a fun way to say hello.”

Introduce Unsafe Touches Later: 

Once your child grasps safe touches, slowly introduce the concept of unsafe touches: 

“Sometimes touches can hurt, like a bump on the playground. Those are not safe touches.”

“We never touch other people’s private parts, and no one should touch yours unless it’s a doctor during a checkup with mommy or daddy there.”

Tips for Effective Role-Playing:  

Start Simple: Begin with straightforward scenarios and gradually increase complexity. 

Focus on Fun: Keep it lighthearted and engaging.

Let Your Child Take the Lead: Allow them to choose their responses within the scenario. 

Positive Reinforcement: Celebrate their attempts, even if they don’t say “no” perfectly. 

Open Discussion: After the role-play, talk about the scenario and encourage questions. 

Additional Activities: 

Reading Age-Appropriate Books: There are many books that address body safety and saying “no.”
Drawing Pictures: Help your child draw pictures of “safe” and “unsafe” touches. 

By incorporating role-playing and other activities, you can equip your child with the knowledge and confidence to navigate situations involving touch in a safe and assertive way.
All the best ! You got this