Recognizing the Red Flags: When Therapy Is Doing More Harm Than Good

Recognizing the Red Flags: When Therapy Is Doing More Harm Than Good

How to spot when your child’s therapy isn’t working—and what to do next.

1. Introduction: When Therapy Becomes a Struggle, Not a Solution

When parents first start therapy for their child, they’re filled with hope. Hope that this will be the solution, that progress will come, and that their child will finally begin to thrive.

But what happens when weeks turn into months, and you’re not seeing the progress you hoped for?

• When your child starts resisting sessions more than engaging?
• When therapy becomes a chore—for both you and your child?

You might wonder:

“Is it me? Is it my child? Or is the therapy just not working?”

The truth? Sometimes, therapy does more harm than good—especially when it pushes children into methods they’re not ready for.

2. The Emotional Manipulation: It’s Not Your Child’s Fault

In my experience, I’ve seen a troubling pattern—parents are often made to believe that the problem lies within the child.

• They’re told the child is “not ready” or “not capable”.
• That the lack of progress is because the child is stubborn, lazy, or unwilling to learn.

This is completely wrong.

“When therapy isn’t working, it’s not because your child isn’t good enough—it’s because the approach is failing them.”

Children want to connect. They want to engage. But if the methods aren’t aligned with their needs, they either push back or shut down.

3. Why Therapy Can Sometimes Do More Harm Than Good

Therapy isn’t always the magic solution we hope for. It can actually backfire if:

• It follows a one-size-fits-all approach
• It focuses on compliance over connection
• It pushes a child before they’re developmentally ready

In these situations, therapy can:

• Overwhelm the child
• Lead to emotional withdrawal
• Foster resistance instead of growth

“When the focus shifts from helping the child to ticking boxes, therapy loses its purpose.”

4. Red Flag #1: Emotional Shutdowns

One of the biggest signs that therapy is doing more harm than good is when a child starts to emotionally shut down.

What It Looks Like:

• Blank stares during sessions
• Lack of eye contact or interaction
• Appearing “zoned out” or disconnected

Children aren’t trying to be difficult—they’re overwhelmed. When sessions feel too demanding, they go into self-protection mode.

“When learning feels like pressure, children shut down instead of tuning in.”

5. Red Flag #2: Increased Defiance or Withdrawal

Another common red flag is a noticeable shift in behavior—the child starts to push back or withdraw entirely.

What It Looks Like:

• Tantrums or meltdowns before/after therapy
• Increased aggression or defiance during sessions
• Avoiding tasks they used to enjoy
• Emotional withdrawal—becoming quiet or introverted

This isn’t just “bad behavior.” It’s the child saying:

“This is too much. I don’t feel safe or understood here.”

“When therapy feels like a battle, the child will push back—or retreat altogether.”

6. Red Flag #3: Surface-Level Compliance Without Real Engagement

Perhaps the most misleading red flag is when the child seems to “go along” with therapy but isn’t truly engaging.

What It Looks Like:

• Completing tasks but without enthusiasm or understanding
• Mimicking behaviors without context (e.g., repeating phrases but not using them functionally)
• Doing the bare minimum to “get through” the session

A Common Example:

• In many therapy centers, parents are shown videos of their child “succeeding”—for example, pointing at flashcards.
• But if you watch closely, the child is simply following a pattern.
• They point to the same card each time, knowing which answer comes first, without even looking at the cards properly.

This is surface-level compliance, not genuine learning.

“Compliance isn’t progress—real learning happens when a child is engaged, not just following instructions.”

7. Red Flags at Home: What to Look For

Therapy issues don’t just show up in the clinic—they appear at home too.

Signs Your Child is Struggling:

• Increased desire for freedom—they avoid structured activities
• A constant need to “burn energy”—more hyperactivity than usual
• Showing frustration or withdrawal when asked to practice therapy tasks at home

These are signs that the child feels trapped during sessions and is trying to break free when they’re home.

8. The Problem with Over-Sanitized “Messy Play”

Another major red flag is how sensory integration is handled—or often, completely neglected—in many therapy centers.

• Some centers offer “messy” activities like sand play or free painting—but only within strict, clean boundaries.
• The child is limited in how messy they can actually get because the focus is on keeping the space tidy rather than allowing true sensory exploration.

Even worse?

• The expectation that the space remains clean means children are rushed through the process, often without the chance to truly engage.
• After the session, there’s pressure to clean up quickly—which turns the activity into a task, rather than an exploration.
• And because other children will be using the same space, activities are limited in scope to reduce mess and avoid cross-contamination.

But real messy play is crucial for:

• Sensory integration—helping the child process and respond to different sensory inputs
• Building fine motor skills—through activities like pouring, scooping, molding, and painting
• Fostering creativity and self-expression—allowing children to explore without boundaries

“Messy play isn’t just about fun—it’s a vital part of how children learn, explore, and grow.”

When these activities are missing or too controlled, the child loses valuable opportunities to engage in meaningful, hands-on learning.

9. The Flaws in Group Sessions: More Pushing, Less Readiness

Another red flag? Group sessions that prioritize pre-planned activities over the individual readiness of each child.

• Many group sessions follow a fixed plan, focusing on what the therapist has scheduled, rather than adapting to what the child actually needs in that moment.
• The goal becomes getting through the session rather than fostering meaningful engagement.
• Children who aren’t ready for group dynamics are often pushed into these sessions too soon—leading to emotional shutdowns or behavioral pushback.

“It’s not about fitting the child into the session—it’s about tailoring the session to fit the child.”

The Push Factor:

• Instead of preparing the child for group settings, they are often pushed into them prematurely.
• This creates stress for the child, who may struggle with social cues, waiting their turn, or sharing space with peers.
• Forced participation often leads to meltdowns or withdrawal—both signs the child isn’t ready for that environment yet.

More Red Flags Parents Shouldn’t Ignore:

1. Activities That Prioritize Convenience Over Learning

• Sessions are structured around what’s easiest for the therapist, not what’s best for the child.
• Activities are chosen to minimize mess, reduce clean-up, and fit into strict time slots.
• Real learning opportunities are lost because the focus is on efficiency, not engagement.

2. Rigid Schedules With No Flexibility

• Many centers follow strict routines, regardless of how the child is feeling on that day.
• Even if the child is upset, tired, or overstimulated, the session proceeds as planned.
• There’s little room for spontaneity or child-led exploration, which is crucial for true learning.

“A child’s needs change daily—therapy should be flexible enough to change with them.”

3. Overemphasis on Results Over Readiness

• Centers often focus on visible outcomes:
  • Can the child say a new word?
  • Can they complete a task?
  • Can they sit still for 30 minutes?
•   “But they ignore whether the child is emotionally regulated or engaged in the process—they forget to ask: Is this forced compliance or real learning happening here? Is the child cornered with no choice, simply sitting for 30 minutes because they’re forced to comply, or are they genuinely engaged and willing?”  

“If a child is simply going through the motions to get a reward, that’s not learning—it’s survival.”

4. Lack of Parental Involvement

• Many centers don’t involve parents in the learning process.
• They don’t guide parents on how to extend therapy at home—leaving a disconnect between sessions and daily life.
• Without this bridge, learning becomes isolated to the therapy room and doesn’t translate to real-world skills.

“I’m only as effective as the backup work being done at home.”

The Reality: It’s a Joint Effort, Not an Isolated Approach

As an experienced special educator, I know that the most successful outcomes happen when:

• Therapy sessions are aligned with home practices
• Parents are empowered to extend learning outside the center
• The child experiences consistency across all environments

For example:

• If I’m working on numbers and letters in my sessions, parents can support that by doing sand and water activities at home—pouring, transferring, sorting pasta, gardening, or even simple pouring games.
• These real-life activities help the child internalize what they’re learning and apply it beyond the therapy room.

“Progress happens when parents and educators work together—not in isolation.”

This is not about overloading parents but helping them integrate learning into everyday moments—making it natural, engaging, and sustainable.

The Urgent Question Parents Need to Ask Themselves:

“Is my child learning to thrive—or just learning to survive therapy sessions?”

If the answer leans toward survival—pushing through, avoiding tasks, or rushing to get a reward—it’s time to rethink the approach.

• Time is slipping away.
• Crucial learning windows are closing.
• And worse, your child may be developing coping strategies that focus on appeasement, not genuine learning.

But it’s never too late to pivot—to shift toward an approach that honors your child’s needs and supports real, meaningful progress.

Thank you for Reading 

Feeling Stuck? Let’s Find a Better Way.

If you’re noticing these red flags and wondering what to do next, reach out.

Email me at: Sameena@positivesolution.co.in
Contact: 9886349135

Let’s work together to create a path forward—one that truly supports your child’s growth and well-being.