How We See vs. What We See. Does it matter
How We See vs. What We See: The Key to Children’s Perspective-Taking
Understanding the Difference
In everyday life, we often assume that what we see is the absolute truth. However, there is a fundamental difference between how we see and what we see.
- What we see refers to the literal, surface-level observation of an event, action, or behavior.
- How we see involves our interpretation, emotions, biases, and experiences shaping our understanding of what we observe.
For children, this distinction is crucial in developing perspective-taking skills, the ability to understand that others may have different thoughts, emotions, and viewpoints.
Why This Matters for Children at Different Ages
Children are naturally egocentric in their early years, meaning they often believe their perspective is the only perspective. As they grow, developing the ability to differentiate between what they see and how they see can help them:
- Understand that others may see the same situation differently
- Build stronger emotional intelligence
- Develop critical thinking skills
- Improve social interactions and relationships
- Cultivate empathy and problem-solving abilities
How Perspective-Taking Develops at Different Ages
- Toddlers (Ages 2-4): Just beginning to understand that others may have different desires but struggle to grasp different emotions or viewpoints.
- Preschoolers (Ages 4-6): Starting to recognize that people can see the same thing differently but still struggle to detach from their own perspective.
- School-Age Children (Ages 6-12): Developing the ability to consider others’ emotions, perspectives, and thoughts more fully.
- Teenagers (Ages 13-18): Refining perspective-taking by considering abstract concepts, social influences, and complex emotions.
Encouraging perspective-taking at each stage helps children navigate social relationships, develop critical thinking, and build emotional intelligence.
The Psychological Basis of Perspective-Taking
Psychologists refer to this skill as Theory of Mind (ToM)—the ability to attribute thoughts, beliefs, and intentions to others and recognize that these may be different from one’s own.
Research shows that children who develop strong perspective-taking skills tend to have better social relationships, improved emotional regulation, and a deeper sense of empathy.
However, children who struggle with distinguishing how they see from what they see may:
- Misinterpret social cues
- Assume others think and feel the same way they do
- Struggle with conflict resolution
- Experience difficulties in friendships and collaborative learning environments
Understanding that perception is subjective and that different people can view the same event in multiple ways helps children navigate social complexities with greater confidence and sensitivity.
Supporting Children with Different Needs in Perspective-Taking
Some children may require additional support in developing perspective-taking skills. Here are some adaptations:
- Use social stories, role-playing, and visual cues to explain different perspectives.
- Help them slow down and reflect on situations before reacting impulsively.
- Use pictures, gesture-based communication to encourage perspective-sharing.
By adjusting strategies to meet diverse needs, all children can develop a better understanding of others.
Practical Ways to Help Children Differentiate Between What They See and How They See
As parents and educators, we can guide children in distinguishing between objective reality and personal interpretation. Here’s how:
1. Encourage Thoughtful Observation
Ask children to describe exactly what they see before sharing their opinion. For example:
- Instead of saying, “That person is angry,” ask, “What do you see that makes you think they are angry?”
- This helps them recognize the difference between facts and interpretations.
2. Use Perspective-Taking Exercises
- Show children an ambiguous image and ask, “What do you see?” Then ask others what they see to highlight different viewpoints.
- Read stories and discuss, “How do you think each character feels? Why?”
3. Play Role-Reversal Games
- Ask children to describe a situation from another person’s point of view.
- Example: If a friend takes their toy, instead of assuming “They are mean,” guide them to consider, “Could they have wanted to play too?”
4. Introduce the Concept of Bias and Perspective
- Show two people watching the same event but interpreting it differently.
- Discuss how past experiences, emotions, and assumptions shape perception.
5. Teach Emotional Awareness
- Help children name their feelings and recognize that others may feel differently in the same situation.
- Use phrases like, “How do you feel about this? How do you think your friend feels?”
Encouraging Parental Reflection
Perspective-taking isn’t just for children—it’s a skill that parents must model as well. Ask yourself:
- Do I assume my child sees things the way I do?
- Do I listen to their perspective before offering advice?
- How do I handle conflicts with them—do I impose my viewpoint or try to see theirs?
Self-Reflection Exercise for Parents
Try this simple exercise to assess your own perspective-taking skills:
Understanding our own biases and interpretations can help us guide children more effectively.
Final Thoughts: Helping Children See Beyond Their Own Perspective
Perspective-taking is an essential skill that enhances emotional intelligence, social skills, and problem-solving abilities. Teaching children to recognize the difference between what they see and how they see builds self-awareness and fosters meaningful relationships.
By guiding them through observation, discussion, and perspective-taking exercises, we can help children develop the ability to understand others, navigate social complexities, and approach the world with empathy and curiosity.
Because true understanding doesn’t just come from what we see—it comes from how we choose to see it.
Thank you for Reading