How to Advocate for Your Child in a System Run by Overworked and Underprepared Teachers: A Guide for Parents of Neurodiverse Children

“Tact is not the quality by which you often please, but by which you seldom offend.”

 — Alice Wellington Rollins

Introduction: A Fractured System Breeding Unprepared Teachers 

 We live in a world where education is supposed to shape the future. 

Yet, our education system continues to churn out teachers who are ill-equipped to deal with the diverse needs of their students, especially neurodiverse children. Our schools and universities fail to produce educators who possess the empathy, passion, and training necessary to guide and inspire children—particularly those who require differentiated teaching methods. Many of these teachers come from outdated teacher training programs, like B.Ed (Bachelor of Education), which have little to no focus on personality development, critical thinking, or teaching neurodiverse students. The result? Classrooms filled with overwhelmed and underpaid teachers, many of whom took up the profession not because of a calling or a passion for education, but because it was a fallback career. It’s no surprise that some teachers resort to impatience, aggression, and rigidity in the face of challenges. 

The Harsh Reality of Teachers Today
Let’s face it—most teachers are stretched thin. Many of them lack the proper training to manage typical children, let alone excel in classroom management in general. They are juggling multiple tasks—prepping lessons, handling extra-curricular activities, marking homework, and attending meetings—all while being judged by management, parents, and even colleagues. The pressure from school management to meet deadlines and achieve academic goals is immense, and in many cases, these teachers are simply not equipped or supported to meet the emotional or educational needs of children, especially those who are neurodiverse. 

In some instances, I’ve seen teachers who are so overwhelmed that they barely acknowledge the neurodiverse child in their classroom. Recently, during one of my school visits for a student, I saw a teacher who was visibly uncomfortable around the child. She avoided interacting with him and instructed other children to relay messages. The child, sensing this exclusion, shut down, disengaging completely from his schoolwork and social interactions. It’s heartbreaking but true—teachers who feel unsupported themselves can unintentionally harm the very students they are supposed to help.  

All in all, the reality is, our children suffer the most in this system. 

So, how do you, as a parent, advocate for your neurodiverse child in such an environment? How can you ensure that your child gets the support they need when the very people responsible for their education are fighting their own battles within a broken system? This guide will help you navigate this difficult terrain, offering strategies to work within a system that isn’t always in your favor.

1. Understanding the Root of the Problem

Before you confront the system, it’s important to understand why many teachers are unprepared to support neurodiverse children. Most teacher training programs lack comprehensive content on neurodiversity, modern child psychology, or innovative teaching methods. Instead, they focus on outdated techniques, leaving teachers without the tools to address the growing number of children with unique learning needs. 

Additionally, teachers are often paid poorly and overburdened by unrealistic expectations. With large class sizes and rigid curriculums, they have little room to breathe, let alone cater to individual students. It’s essential to approach advocacy with empathy for the teacher’s situation, while still holding them accountable for your child’s education.

2. Acknowledge the System, But Don’t Settle for Less 

Yes, the system is flawed. But that doesn’t mean you should accept substandard treatment or education for your child. Acknowledge the challenges that teachers face, but make it clear that your child deserves the attention, support, and strategies they need to thrive. 

Here’s how you can effectively navigate this: 

Educate Yourself First: Be knowledgeable about neurodiversity, your child’s specific needs. 

The more informed you are, the stronger your advocacy will be. 

Be Proactive, Not Confrontational: Approach teachers and administrators as partners in your child’s education. Instead of framing your conversations with anger or blame, come prepared with solutions and strategies that could benefit both your child and the teacher. Focus on collaboration rather than conflict.

Offer Resources:
Many teachers, unfortunately, don’t take the initiative to go beyond the basic, often inadequate, training they receive—especially when it comes to supporting neurodiverse students. The classroom management workshops they attend are often just theoretical presentations filled with jargon and icebreakers, with little practical learning taking place. 

When I lead training sessions, I tailor my approach to fit the specific needs of the teachers, taking the time to understand their struggles—if they are even aware of them. This helps me provide practical, actionable strategies rather than overwhelming them with more abstract theories. By doing the same with your child’s teachers, you can introduce helpful resources without making them feel overwhelmed or inadequate.

3. The Teacher-Parent Relationship: Building Trust and Respect

While it’s easy to get frustrated with teachers, it’s crucial to remember that they are not the enemy. Many of them are as frustrated with the system as you are, but their hands are often tied by a lack of resources, time, and support. 

To create a productive relationship with your child’s teacher: 

Set the Right Tone from the Beginning: When meeting with your child’s teacher, establish that you’re on the same team. Express respect for the challenges they face but also be clear about your expectations for your child’s education. 

Respect Without Awe: Treat the teacher as a professional by addressing them properly (e.g., “Ms.” or “Mr.”) but avoid putting them on a pedestal or approaching them with fear. Teachers, like you, are human, and your mutual respect will set the tone for a positive partnership. 

Frequent, Constructive Communication: Instead of waiting for parent-teacher conferences or formal reports, maintain regular contact with the teacher. Keep these conversations short and focused on solutions rather than complaints. For example, if your child struggles with reading, ask what specific steps can be taken to address this—both at school and at home. 

4. Stay Involved, But Keep Your Expectations Realistic 

While we all hope for teachers to be the ideal mentors for our children, it’s important to recognize that many of them are products of a fragmented system. Over time, the challenges of low pay, heavy workloads, and insufficient training can lead to disillusionment, causing them to lose the reason that initially drew them to teaching. This doesn’t mean you should lower your standards for your child’s education, but it’s essential to keep realistic expectations about the support teachers can provide. Ways to Stay Engaged: 

Create an Individualized Learning Plan (ILP):
If your school doesn’t offer a truly effective ILP—beyond something superficial just to appease you—take the lead and push for one. An ILP that clearly outlines your child’s needs, strengths, and the strategies that work best for them ensures that teachers have a clear roadmap to follow. But remember, if you, as a parent, don’t show consistent involvement and responsibility for your child’s growth, it’s difficult to expect teachers to fill that role for you. 

Take ownership of not only your child’s value system but also their real learning and skill development. Start small and make a plan yourself, right at home (I’ll share how to create one in my next blog). 

Show Appreciation, Not Just with Gifts:
While it’s not about buying gifts, a simple token of appreciation—perhaps on Teacher’s Day or at the end of the year (not just the academic year)—can go a long way in building a positive relationship with your child’s teacher. It’s a gesture that acknowledges their efforts and encourages them to continue supporting your child’s development.

Know When to Escalate: If you feel that your concerns are not being taken seriously, don’t hesitate to involve higher authorities like the school principal or special education coordinator. Your child’s well-being should never be compromised. 

Track Progress at Home: Don’t rely solely on the school to monitor your child’s growth. Keep a record of your child’s academic and emotional progress at home so that you have evidence to bring to discussions with the school if needed. 

5. Taking Control: The Parent’s Role in Filling the Gaps

Ultimately, you may find that the school system, despite your best efforts, cannot meet all of your child’s needs. This is where you, as a parent, play a critical role. While teachers are a part of your child’s education, they are not the entirety of it. 

Fill in the Gaps at Home: Provide the structure, emotional support, and hands-on learning that your child may not be receiving in school. Establish routines, engage in purposeful activities, and foster independence. Help your child develop social and emotional skills through play and day-to-day tasks. 

Alternative Learning: Explore Holistic Approaches

Consider exploring special education programs or alternative learning methods that not only nurture your child’s needs but also enhance your ability to support them. These programs can complement your child’s formal education and empower you with the skills and knowledge necessary to advocate effectively. 

The Ideal Vision: Advocating for Systemic Change 

While advocating for your child is essential, it’s also important to recognize the larger issue at play—our education system is fundamentally flawed. Schools are ill-equipped to handle neurodiverse students, and significant systemic change is needed. However, waiting for this shift could take decades. So, what can you do right now? 

Take responsibility into your own hands as a parent. Instead of waiting for the system to catch up, do whatever it takes to secure the right help and support for your child. Palming off responsibility onto others isn’t the solution—it starts with you. 

Conclusion: A System in Need of Change, But Parents Hold the Key 

The education system may in need of a dire change, but as a parent, you have the power to make a real difference in your child’s life. By acknowledging the limitations teachers face, fostering collaborative relationships, and stepping in where the system falls short, you can ensure that your neurodiverse child receives the care and education they deserve. 

Remember, by your involvement, persistence, and proactive approach you can help create an environment that nurtures your child’s growth. It’s not just about advocating for your child; it’s about pushing for a system that serves all children—and the teachers who guide them. 

  Master your circumstances before they master you.

Thanks for reading 

Sameena