How Suffering Becomes a Cycle
The Choices We Make: How Suffering Becomes a Cycle
I sat across from them—a mother and her teenage daughter—listening, absorbing, feeling the weight of their story.
A mother, still trapped in the shadows of her past heartbreaks.
A daughter, carrying wounds that weren’t hers to bear.
It wasn’t just another consultation. It was a window into how pain, when left unchecked, becomes a way of life.
The mother had faced deep betrayals and disappointments. And even at 49 years old, she is unable to accept what has happened. Her ex-husband has moved on, remarried, and has another child—facts of life that she cannot bring herself to accept.
Instead of finding a way forward, she has made suffering her identity.
Instead of choosing healing, she has chosen anger, resentment, and blame.
Instead of offering stability to her daughter, she has unknowingly become the source of her destruction.
Her teenage daughter is drowning in this chaos. Expelled from multiple schools, detached from friends, and lost in the storm of her mother’s pain, she has developed an obsession with sharp objects—a dangerous attempt to reclaim control over a life that feels entirely out of her hands.
The mother, once the one controlling the narrative of suffering, can no longer control the child she has raised in that same reality. The cycle has come full circle—her daughter is now mirroring the same illusions, the same distorted perception of life.
Suffering has become their comfort zone.
Why Do Some People Choose to Suffer?
Life is unfair sometimes. It can break us, push us down, and leave us feeling powerless. But suffering is not a permanent state—unless you allow it to be.
Some people cling to suffering because:
- It validates their pain. (“Look at what I’ve been through. I deserve sympathy.”)
- It gives them an identity. (“If I’m not the victim, then who am I?”)
- It removes responsibility. (“I can’t change my life—look at what’s happened to me.”)
- It feels familiar. Pain becomes a habit, and breaking free requires effort.
But what they don’t realize is that suffering is a choice.
The Power of Choosing Wisely
This blog isn’t about blame. It’s about recognizing that, at any given moment, we have two choices:
Stay stuck in suffering.
Take ownership of our lives and change.
We may not be responsible for what happened to us, but we are responsible for what we do next.
When you choose to break free, you take back control. You stop waiting for an apology that may never come. You stop living in resentment, waiting for justice. You stop making suffering your identity.
The teenager in this story didn’t choose her situation—but she is suffering because of her mother’s choices. And one day, she too will have to choose whether to stay in this pain or rise above it.
Instead of waiting for someone to pull you out while you’re drowning, become your own lifeline. The moment you choose to rescue yourself, everything begins to change.
What you choose today shapes your tomorrow.
How to Stop Choosing Suffering & Start Choosing Strength
If you’ve been trapped in a cycle of pain, here’s how to break free:
- Accept what happened, but refuse to stay in the past. (You are more than your history.)
- Detach from the victim mindset. (Being a victim of your circumstances doesn’t mean you must stay powerless.)
- Make decisions that move you forward. (Are your choices keeping you stuck or helping you grow?)
- Seek guidance, but don’t just look for validation. ( Are you looking for solutions or just people to confirm your suffering?)
- Take responsibility for your life, even when it’s hard. (Blame will never fix your life—only action will.)
Final Thought: It’s Up to You
Your past does not define you. Your choices do.
Pain is inevitable—suffering is optional.
You can either let your struggles break you, or you can let them build you.
Ask yourself today: What am I choosing?
Check out my blog “Your Child Mirrors Your Patterns, Not Your Words”—because the choices you make today will shape the next generation.
Here’s to choosing wisely.
Thank you for Reading.