Adolescence Isn’t a Phase. It’s a Cry. Are We Listening?
Adolescence Isn’t a Phase. It’s a Cry. Are We Listening?
There is a series on Netflix called Adolescence. It is not an easy watch. Long silences. Real-time filming. A 13-year-old boy named Jamie is arrested for the murder of a classmate. And yet, the story is not about violence. It’s about all the things no one sees.
It is about the invisible.
The weight children carry when they are misunderstood, unseen, unheard.
It’s about how a child doesn’t wake up one day and decide to stop trying. They simply stop being listened to. And eventually, they stop speaking at all.
There are no quick edits, no overdone soundtracks in this series.
Just time. Time for discomfort. Time to notice the unease. Time to realise that something is terribly wrong — and we, as adults, missed the signs.
The Real Problem: We Think They’re Fine
We often assume:
- “They’re in school. They’re sorted.”
- “They’re smart. They should manage.”
- “They have everything. What could be wrong?”
But this is what reality often looks like:
- At school: They are told to follow. Not to express.
- At home: They are told to behave. Not to feel.
- Online: They are endlessly comparing. Never belonging.
And when they break down, we call it laziness, disobedience, or attitude. But truly, it is emotional survival.
What the Series Adolescence Shows Us
It shows us what happens when we don’t listen.
It shows us the slow unraveling of a child who never felt safe to speak or ever felt the need to reveal.
It shows us that silence is not peace. It is often a scream no one can hear.
Behind every child who “shut down,” who “gave up,” who “changed,” is often a child who stopped feeling safe.
And while the series doesn’t give us solutions, it gives us something more important:
a wake-up call.
What Can We Do?
We start by shifting our gaze.
We stop looking for what’s wrong with the child, and begin looking at what the child has been trying to survive.
- Replace judgment with curiosity.
- Replace correction with connection.
- Replace urgency with presence.
Ask your child:
- “How did today feel for you?”
- “Was there a moment that made you feel small?”
- “What do you wish I could understand without you having to explain it?”
And then, just sit with it. Don’t fix. Just be.
Because Adolescence Is Not a Phase
It is not something they “grow out of.”
It is the foundation of who they grow into.
And if they do not feel safe, seen, and supported now — they learn to hide.
To mask.
To overachieve or underperform.
To disappear in plain sight.
We must realise: it’s not about waiting for disaster and then looking back in regret.
It’s about not having to live with the aftermath of a bad choice — the kind where we told ourselves everything was fine / will be fine because we gave them “everything” and expected only one thing in return: Don’t do anything wrong.
That’s a dangerous transaction to place on a child.
Because childhood and adolescence aren’t built for perfection — they are built for growth, discovery, and mistakes. But with so much pressure, the hormones of liking and longing, peer comparison, a desperate need to fit in through things like shopping or style, and an inability to express that fear to adults who may not evolve fast enough — children are often lost.
They stop talking, not because they want to lie, but because they fear being misunderstood.
This is why we must remain super vigilant. Super aware.
And keep evolving.
Evolving not just with our children, but as adults.
We must not become addicted to our children’s growth — mesmerised by their milestones.
Nor should we become overwhelmed by our own lives to the point that we lose the ability to show up. Either extreme throws off the balance.
Balance is not a luxury. It is a necessity.
Because without it, the system topples. And when it does, children fall first.
Let’s not wait for a breakdown to open our eyes.
Let’s look now.
Let’s listen now.
Let’s respond now.
Thank you for being part of this quiet revolution.
The momentum is real. And it begins with you.